The End

Well, that last post got a little bogged down with comments!

If you're having trouble finding your comments, there is a Load More Comments button you have to search for...

But I will start a new post here, and comments can continue on this one...

I will put a post here soon on my thoughts on my ending.

Sorry for the delay! Here is the post:

Literature, to me, is about character journeys. The people you see in the beginning of the book should be transformed in some way by the end. I don't think Nia should behave the same way at the end of the book as she does in the beginning. Nia is supposed to do a 180. And yet, Nia’s transformation is circular. It’s a practical 360. If you think my ending is contrived you were probably reading too fast. Read it again with some care. I believe it would have been far more unbelievable if Nia didn’t go back to Geoff. Their reunion isn’t a simple one. I left a lot of the badness unsaid. Purposely so it would appear as a happy ending. I wanted it to feel like that, but think some more on it. There is more to it than there might appear. There is hope in it, yes, and for that I apologize, ha ha.

Listen, Nia had missed that big-dick-pulse-pounding sex but it would be a little shallow to think that’s all she wants from life. In real life girls want more than that. The fling was what worked, that was fun, they even admit through internal discourse that her having sex with Dino and Rocco wasn’t bad, it was the lying and the infidelity from eight years ago. Plus, Nia knows this: macho guys with big dicks are fun for about six months but they come with a whole host of other problems. Nia didn’t get along with them when she was twenty. She’s going to get along with them now? She’d been sexualized at a young age to appreciate rough masculine men. She’s attracted to that. But she also likes her independence. Geoff let her be herself. Rocco wouldn’t let her work. She talked about the problems with being with Dino. Being underneath him, having to serve him, serve his will. Ultimately, Nia did not want those kind of men in her life for more than one thing. She needed Geoff to change too. He was a nice guy with her from start to finish but the Geoff at the end of the book is a different Geoff. One who will control Nia. To sound trite: Nia has been disciplined.

And the blog is supportive, believe me. This is just what you guys see. I get e-mails from fans too, even if I didn’t come to this blog, my inbox is full of hopes and wishes on how the story turns out. They don’t sway me. The characters are the only ones that sway me. There are just as many people who e-mail only as there are who post here. To say that I bent to the will of the blog isn’t unbelievable but I think if you re-read the book you’ll see how things came to pass. This ending was the general direction from the very beginning. Nia has a life history of burning bridges. She didn’t want this bridge with Geoff burned. She wanted (and deserved IMO) reclamation and restoration. She’d burned bridges with Dino already. She lied to him about something terrible. She could never be with him. And Rocco? Nia could never stay with Rocco. I think that was demonstrated in the last book. Geoff was what she needed.

There is absolutely no way I can make everyone happy. It’s too sad, it’s too happy, why didn’t so and so do something, why did this guy blah blah. < I say this with great respect, just trying to be funny! I wrote for the characters. Their tragedies were covered in the black moment. The story doesn’t end with tragedy (yes, I know that means it’s not a tragedy) but this is a long book.

I said I wanted to talk about netorare but couldn’t earlier because it would tip the hat to the ending. This is why. I like netorare, I like the loss, but there is a certain misogynistic taint to it. It’s pure male fantasy. If I create realistic characters like Geoff and Nia it’s crazy to pull off some of the elements to netorare. Plus it would probably get me kicked off amazon. Netorare characters behave in cartoonish ways. The loss is there but there is a subjugation of the woman that you can’t do if she is a real thinking character with a written internal monologue. She is there solely as a device of torment for the male character, her actions senseless in order to provoke feelings in the male. I could perhaps do it if I did a one voice narration, the male only. Then he could witness and we wouldn’t have to understand the female’s point of view. I like to write stories that explore both sides because as I see them they are stories about couples. There is a magic to doing an only male only point of view because it heightens the bewilderment and someday I might do that. So I guess I put out a watery westernized netorare. But you have to know I do it with heart and passion and I don’t take any of this lightly. I can however be heartless too, so if my male character needs to murder his family and then himself I can do it. Tough to keep that sexy though :)